More Poker Jokes

This guy is having a lovely poker game at home until his obnoxious 12-year-old son started disrupting things by going around, telling player's cards, making noise, and being a general nuisance. The father is about to discipline him when an uncle of the family says, "Let me handle this." The uncle takes the boy in another room and much to everyone's surprise, they don't see him the rest of the night. The father says to the uncle, "I really appreciate what you did, what did you say to him?" The uncle says, "I really didn't say anything, I just showed him how to masturbate".
A 12 year old boy comes home from school and walks into his parents' room. Mom and dad are in bed making love. The boy asks, "What are you doing?" His dad replies, "Playing poker. Now get out of here." He goes to his older sister's room to find his sister and her boyfriend in bed making love. The boy asks, "What are you doing?" His sister replies, "Playing poker. Now get out of here." He goes to his older brother's room and finds his brother masturbating. He asks his brother, "What are you doing?" His brother replies, "Playing poker." The boy asks, "I thought that it takes two to play poker." His brother replies, "Not if you have a good hand." You lose!

Little Tommy was the quietest boy in school. He never answered any questions but his homework was always quite excellent. If any one said anything to him he would simply nod, or shake his head. The staff thought he was shy and decided to do something to give him confidence. "Tommy," said his teacher. "I've just bet Miss Smith $5 I can get you to say three words. You can have half." Tommy looked at her pityingly and said, "You lose."

Did you hear about the new 3 million dollar West Virginia State Lottery? The winner gets 3 dollars a year for a million years. 3 Poker Dont's.

Don't ask the dealer about the odds on strip poker. Don't use a Jamaican accent while playing Caribbean poker. Don't butt into a private multiplayer poker tournament game saying "mind if I join in". A Bum Asks a Man for $2.

The man says, "Will you buy booze?" The bum says, "No." The man says, "Will you gamble it away?" The bum says, "No." So the man says, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?" Angry Old Women.

Q: How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say f*ck? A: Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell BINGO! Beat the Casino.


What is the only way to keep your money from the casinos in Vegas? When you get off the plane walk into the propellers! Black-Sheep Blackjack.

lmao pomp well funny